There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
