so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
