um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
