Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
