I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
