I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
