I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
