What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
