a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Boobs speak an international language.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
