is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
