Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
