her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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