Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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