Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
