I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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