but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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