he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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