And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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