ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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