Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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