he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
