Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You dont lie about slip and slides
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
