Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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