I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
