I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
