took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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