I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
