I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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