I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
