I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I need moral support for this bender
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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