Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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