If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
