you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
