Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I think I won the penis lottery.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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