I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
