i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
