Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
