i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
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