I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
