Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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