tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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