I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
