Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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