Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
it glows. i had to have it.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
