come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
