the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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