He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
