i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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