sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
