i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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