They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
