Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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