where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
