even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
