You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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