The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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