Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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