I smell stomach acid.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
