why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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