Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
