So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of a bidet.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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