Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
