He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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