what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
