dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
