I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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