If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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