I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
