I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
