Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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